regarding scrambled eggs

motivation is a double edged sword.

it's particularly deadly when you have something pressing, that you know you need to get done, and you have no motivation to do it. and sadly, have the motivation to get a million other small insignificant things done instead.

which is another problem with motivation. it can mask itself as procrastination far too easily. you feel like you're accomplishing something, and like you're getting things done. but in reality, you have just stalled of doing that one thing in order to accomplish a lot of things instead.

the trick is direction; is path; is purpose.

it's not possible to stay one hundred percent on track every moment. we as humans falter, we trip. we look at the path someone else is on and think "oh, nice path." and change directions. we cut down trees and jump over walls to get onto paths we think will make us happy. we run blindly into paths that make our hearts race and our minds forget where we came from. we get scraped, we get burned, we get hurt. but we can also be healed, be loved, be happy.

and maybe that's the entire point of the path. that every wall, every tree, every burn, every love; they're all just masking the path burned out for us. we only think we have control, we only think we make the choice. maybe, every way we try to move off our directions, the directions have previously morphed to show you the right way to go.

everything is not pre-determined. occurrences do not happen for some golden reason. but maybe instead of looking back and regretting, we should look back and rejoice about the fact that sometimes, we made the right choice and that the wrong choice ended up bringing us to here.

there is no backspace for life, no grammatical checks for conversation. no editor can correct our mistakes before publishing. and i think that may be the point. we have to learn to make the mistakes boldly, to lear from them, before we can learn the right way of doing things.


and thats the thing about motivation. maybe we feel motivated to do the wrong things. maybe our minds are consciously showing us how to make mistakes and to learn from them.

which has led me to sitting eating scrambled eggs with a clean kitchen, bedroom and completed notes, and with an essay due tomorrow unfinished and barely started.